Mid-life Reflections & Literal Outburst (literally)

It's the 23rd of April, I know I know, shoot to kill me later.  There's been a lot going on outside, for there to not be going on inside. Perhaps because I stopped going inside, in the first place. Nevertheless, I am here for the first time this year to set things straight.


I'm not gonna hold anyone hostage with a massive post. Just gonna start slow, and drop off a few noted feelings and lies I might have told myself.  So, here it is. 1 of my 30/30 collection, short of two days. Enjoy:

1/30:

I want you to know that yes/

You are getting away with it/

I want you to know that/

The next couple of text messages you answer giggling

will smell like middle school mascots

And sound like backyard end zones/

You won't have to worry about speed/

You won't have to worry about shoving your palm, into my face on the way out to the driveway/

No ones gonna stop you/

All they will do is watch you/

Don't be coy

Don't be the idiot that spends weeks trying to master the arcade games on Shen Mu/

Brick on top of brick/

I should've never told you this morning/ what birds of a feather do

Now, my shit twitches on some of my flyer days/

But you won't have to worry/

This piece is our secret/

This piece is solely between me and the you you grabbed by the collar bone/ and woke into reality/

But I fell asleep with my arms wrapped around her/

This piece will never reach the light of day/

Trust/

It won't even take all morning for me to hide it/

Let alone finish/

This is a quick thought/

On the way to religious/

15 push-ups, with my hands in 'u' formation/

Crazy cause/

The harder it gets to push away,

The more rewarding it is to see what is beneath me/

'U'/

I realized you/

Aren't getting away/

Just watching me expand my vanish point, so you click your heels/

Not together/

But up and down/ to pretend that the rocks you are kicking are from the moon/

Well keep sliding baby/

In fact, could you move a little faster/ toward the east/

You are blocking the center of my universe/

It won't be dark here, for long/

And I don't need to be distracted by some bitch/

Whose shots are only called when she hits the switch/

If dig deep enough/

If I look hard enough/

If I scream loud enough/

I will taste the brilliance boiling up from my gut/

There was never switch/

I am the light of my life/

I lied/

This is not about you/

It is about face, and March will be over soon/

You were right/

I do burn across the galaxy instead of lighting for myself, alone/

Bitch, I'm the Sun/

Real friends are like planets/

We're all dizzy from taking shots in the dark and carrying the weight on our shoulders/

But when one of us shines/

All of us become colorful/

We are a beautiful rainbow of confusion/ and all you will ever know is how lonely it is to glow/

White is a shade/

I'll allow you to parade/

Around the little backyard you call getting away